As it is during this stage of the game, time really sneaks up on you.
I've been going to the "Dude's Dinners" on and off for over 2 years.
The first was at Joe's house.
Typically, the vibe is a lot of banter, talk of AI (the running joke is how long it takes to land on this existential topic), jokes, laughs, and some deeper talk at times like aging parents, kids, and wives.
This time it was different.
Joe passed away 3 days before. I heard about it the day before.
He had cancer. His passing was no surprise, and at the halfway mark of the dinner, the topic shifted to him. Memories of Joe.
A few people, like me, didn't know him like the others so we sat and listened. I added to the conversation when I could, with questions about Joe. I'd seen him a handful of times only.
Turns out he was on the forefront of the local punk scene in Oxnard for many years. Well loved in this powerful, rebellious sub culture. He was a well known guitarist, and was a part of several punk bands over the years.
Stories about him abound online.
A colorful character with a difficult past.
Towards the latter part of the evening, we learned that Josh's sister had passed a week previous.
It was a difficult thing and made the evening even heavier than it was. Heaviness is a good thing. Life and sanity demands the raw emotion it brings. It's part of what it is to be a human in this place.
Why not go all the way with it then?
When it got quiet, I talked of my brother Mark, who took his life. I talked about how it made me felt, and that I knew some of what Josh was going through. A dark journey.
3 years after that, Jason passed away from cirrhosis, and again I walked through the dark caverns inside.
I kept it short. My goal to let Josh know I am here to talk. I had felt like a part of me was lost, and I was trapped in a world with that loss as permanence.
He understood.
A few of us hung in the parking lot talking more, I hugged Josh, and Troy.
It was a powerful Dude's Dinner for sure. And one I won't ever forget.