As it is during this stage of the game, time really sneaks up on you.

I've been going to the "Dude's Dinners" on and off for over 2 years.

The first was at Joe's house.

Typically, the vibe is a lot of banter, talk of AI (the running joke is how long it takes to land on this existential topic), jokes, laughs, and some deeper talk at times like aging parents, kids, and wives.

This time it was different.

Joe passed away 3 days before.  I heard about it the day before.

He had cancer.  His passing was no surprise, and at the halfway mark of the dinner, the topic shifted to him.  Memories of Joe.

A few people, like me, didn't know him like the others so we sat and listened.  I added to the conversation when I could, with questions about Joe.  I'd seen him a handful of times only.

Turns out he was on the forefront of the local punk scene in Oxnard for many years.  Well loved in this powerful, rebellious sub culture.  He was a well known guitarist, and was a part of several punk bands over the years.

Stories about him abound online.

A colorful character with a difficult past.

Towards the latter part of the evening, we learned that Josh's sister had passed a week previous.

It was a difficult thing and made the evening even heavier than it was.  Heaviness is a good thing.  Life and sanity demands the raw emotion it brings.  It's part of what it is to be a human in this place.

Why not go all the way with it then?

When it got quiet, I talked of my brother Mark, who took his life.  I talked about how it made me felt, and that I knew some of what Josh was going through.  A dark journey.

3 years after that, Jason passed away from cirrhosis, and again I walked through the dark caverns inside.

I kept it short. My goal to let Josh know I am here to talk. I had felt like a part of me was lost, and I was trapped in a world with that loss as permanence. 

He understood.

A few of us hung in the parking lot talking more, I hugged Josh, and Troy.

It was a powerful Dude's Dinner for sure.  And one I won't ever forget.

Really enjoyed celebrating the career of one of the closest family friends we have.  Linda.

We've known her since year 1 of Jen's teaching career.  The "Fairy Godmother" to the girls, our wedding planner, and close friend for around 23 years.

All the dinners, parties, excursions over these many years has allowed me to see the amazing, honest, intelligent, caring person Linda is.

When you go to one of Linda's parties, you see the around and variety of people that show up for Linda.  People who love Linda.

At Bink's graduation dinner at Bocalli's, she was there.  I asked her what she's going to do with her retirement after her BTS tour. :)

She said she's going to go through her list of friends that need help, and she's going to stay for 2-3 weeks at each one's house just to help them.

It could be aging parents, or a difficult breakup, or whatever.

Just shows you what value she puts on friendships and people.

She made a short speech where she pointed in a circle to all of the people gathered and said how much each and everyone one of us has had a profound effect on her life, and how grateful she is that we are all in it.

It was quite an emotional moment for many of us, and Linda.

And then, to see all the pictures on the walls of her garage - of all the students she connected with over the years.  The amount of lives she's touched in a positive way is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

Her retirement party also  got me thinking about my own new journey into the land of never having to work again.  What do I want to do?  What do I want to be? How do I want to make a positive impact?

I talked to Ed (Nancy's husband) about what he does with his retirement.  Then I talked to Dan (Elektra's husband) about being "done" with working.  He said to go out and "do something good with it".  Those words stuck.

The journey has begun.  It will not be easy.

And, time is ticking.

Life is oh so short, and it's the people that matter.

Linda knows that.

It's likely one of the important lessons to learn from her.

In my opinion, none of her other talents (gifted educator, corporate technology powerhouse, etc...) hold a candle to her ability to connect with, and value other humans.

My, how we love Linda. <3

My random thoughts on a hodge podge of things that went on this weekend...

Kara is really getting more comfortable driving the Tacoma! Almost every time she drives it, someone in a car pulls up and said, "Wow, are you learning to drive a stick?  Good for you!". The last guy said, in closing, "You'll be able to survive the apocalypse!" 

She comfortably making her way through the neighborhood next to the Buena High School parking lots.

She's smart and is picking it up quickly.  Will it stick?  Will she keep the truck as hers?  Or will I have to sell it and get something else?  Time will tell...

I also did a short Hall Canyon hike with Walt, Jen, Sheila, Kari, and Barb Zerbe.  We went up about 2 miles and then hiked back.  It got a bit hot for Walt, but I really enjoy the hike here.  We saw a lady who used to work at Ventura High who I've talked to before in the stands at a football game.  She volunteers there, and was showing me an app called "Merlin" that will listen to sounds in nature and tell you what type of bird/animal is making the sound.

It's pretty awesome.  I'll be testing that out soon, along with the one my mom uses called "Seek'.

Next up was the Cinco de Mayo + Mother's Day celebration at Encanto Living - the residential care facility that cares for my dad.  All of the mother's had a plaque filled with pictures and a little biography of each.

We had a catered lunch, and Miriam planned a game that uses cards as prompts to create group discussion.

Spike, one of the residents, went on a rant about how he doesn't "understand the women of America", because he's been divorced 4 times and he just can't understand why or how that has happened to him. :)

Ah well, he's got dementia and is in pretty bad shape.  It was hilarious because Miriam had to distract him and move on to the next person.  Everybody was laughing.

The was also a really good Mariachi singer.  She was great and really did a good job and holding everyone's attention for an hour.

Couple final things...

During Jen's admin leave from VHS, she "re-did" our entire stairway banister.  She found a YouTube video that taught her how to remove the finish coat, do minimal sanding, and stain the top of the banister, and then pain the vertical poles white.  It looks great!  She finished that this weekend just in the nick of time for going back to school.

And finally... Walt has been at it again, destroying the "drip system" sprinkler spickets AGAIN!  I had to go to Green Thumb and buy some chicken wire plant root protectors to put OVER the little spickets (after fixing them).  Now he can't easily destroy them. He could if he really tried, but I don't think he knows that yet. :)

Just completed "step 1" of the Clever Fox Purpose Discovery Journal. 

I'm giving myself over to the process, and find I enjoy feeling into the possiblities.  For me, it seems to start from the beginning.  Regrets.  Passions.  How I identify who I am in this world, and with various people in my life.

Especially, it's helpful to explore what I crave, what I feel I may need now that the tethers of personal finance have been severed.

What things to I want to accomplish?  Who do I want to accomplish them with?  What will make me feel satisfied and at peace when an end comes?

It'll never be perfect. All one can do is try to bring into being those things that bring joy and purpose - without knowing exactly what those things are.  Sometimes it's just a "feeling".  You can feel your purpose(s) there, you know they are there, but you don't know what they look like yet.

That part seems to be like most any transitional phase in life. 

Notes From Dan is a tiny space I've carved out for myself on the outskirts of the digital "rat race".  And by "rat race" I mean all the little rats racing to get more clicks, more views, more likes, more engagement, and more of... whatever new word-of-the-day that has been manufactured or repurposed to mean validation.

It's human nature to want validation. Validation that you are a worthy being prancing around amongst all the other humans.  Validation makes us feel as though we belong.  That we are protected.  That we aren't alone.  That we will survive on the strength of the group.

An argument can be made that this instinctive need for validation has outlived it's purpose.  Surely a social media "loser" with few friends and social signals to speak of, is under no threat from animal predators and starvation.

I'm just going at the validation game a different way.  Something a little more "me", and not beholden to 3rd party social media platforms and all of the hallucinations they provide to the masses.

It is said that we die twice.  The first time is when you physically die.  The second time is when your name is said for the last time in all of eternity.

Nobody is immune to this fate.  I suppose, the only real task here is to prolong the inevitable for each of these, for as long as possible.

As Clint said in the movie Unforgiven: "We all got it comin' kid." (It's my favorite western movie of all time.  Out of the few I've actually seen.)

Let's be honest, I'm not promoting this.  Very few will ever hear my voice.  I'm not pitching this anywhere.  It's just me, and it's for those I care about.

With any luck it will outlive me, for many, many years... as long as it's not hijacked by A.I. or held hostage by some strange hacker from a faraway land.

Maybe it'll echo in eternity for awhile... until it doesn't.

And maybe it'll even help someone.

Or at least let them in on me, Dan.

My thoughts, philosophies, hobbies, aspirations, mindfulness practice, musical pursuits, family, my history, and oh so much more.

I know, I know... it's all too exciting.  

However, let's not get ahead of ourselves.  There's no way you're going to read this.  And there's no way you just read this entire page.  And if you insist you did, you are clearly insane, or in a dream.  

Best,

Dan