As it is during this stage of the game, time really sneaks up on you.

I've been going to the "Dude's Dinners" on and off for over 2 years.

The first was at Joe's house.

Typically, the vibe is a lot of banter, talk of AI (the running joke is how long it takes to land on this existential topic), jokes, laughs, and some deeper talk at times like aging parents, kids, and wives.

This time it was different.

Joe passed away 3 days before.  I heard about it the day before.

He had cancer.  His passing was no surprise, and at the halfway mark of the dinner, the topic shifted to him.  Memories of Joe.

A few people, like me, didn't know him like the others so we sat and listened.  I added to the conversation when I could, with questions about Joe.  I'd seen him a handful of times only.

Turns out he was on the forefront of the local punk scene in Oxnard for many years.  Well loved in this powerful, rebellious sub culture.  He was a well known guitarist, and was a part of several punk bands over the years.

Stories about him abound online.

A colorful character with a difficult past.

Towards the latter part of the evening, we learned that Josh's sister had passed a week previous.

It was a difficult thing and made the evening even heavier than it was.  Heaviness is a good thing.  Life and sanity demands the raw emotion it brings.  It's part of what it is to be a human in this place.

Why not go all the way with it then?

When it got quiet, I talked of my brother Mark, who took his life.  I talked about how it made me felt, and that I knew some of what Josh was going through.  A dark journey.

3 years after that, Jason passed away from cirrhosis, and again I walked through the dark caverns inside.

I kept it short. My goal to let Josh know I am here to talk. I had felt like a part of me was lost, and I was trapped in a world with that loss as permanence. 

He understood.

A few of us hung in the parking lot talking more, I hugged Josh, and Troy.

It was a powerful Dude's Dinner for sure.  And one I won't ever forget.

14 years old, a mouth full of braces, and very little exposure to the real world -- not to mention women.

Tall, tan, and beautiful.

Jenine.

I couldn't stop thinking about her.

She was in one of my classes for most of the year, until she transferred into another class.

But that didn't stop me from looking for her as I wandered campus with my few friends.

We all had crushes. And a couple of us talked about it.  A lot.

I remember the confidence and hope building in the dead of night.

Riding bikes in the evening at night can be a sort of dream world where anything is possible.

Talking about the future, the crushes, the daydreams, the "what if's".

It all made getting a girlfriend so "possible".

Until then sun rose on the next day, and we ventured to high school to great reality once again.

It wasn't so easy for us.

Hope typically faded during the days... until the night time riders would float across city streets again.

One day, my mind convinced me I had a chance.

We passed in the halls and I took a chance and looked at her.  She glanced back at me, and then quickly looked away.  As she passed, I took another chance and looked back, and she was whispering something to her friend.

Who knows what those whispers, lost in time, were.  Even she likely doesn't know.  Nobody does.

It was my first real crush.  A huge crush.

I never spoke to her.  She never spoke to me.

Sometimes hope in the night hours is enough.  It often is.  

The next year (sophomore year) she was gone with the wind.  Transferred.  Moved.  I'll never know.

I do hope all has gone well for my first crush, in this life... 

T'was an awesome game night at Bink's workplace, Tifa Chocolate & Gelato. 

I met Kevin and Shag there at 6:30.  After ordering gelato from Bink, Kevin taught us the game "Ride The Rails".

Kevin spent all of $20 on it, and it was awesome.  Players take turns investing in one of 6 colored railroad lines, placing tracks in the colors they invest in, and then moving passengers through different cities connected by the lines.

You score points if you have invested in a track that connects 2 cities a passenger moved along - based on how much investment you've made in that line.

Bonus points are scored for connecting the west coast to the east coast, and building through certain cities.

Throughout the game a couple of people came to the table and asked us all about the game and though it sounded cool.

Well... all of that aside, I won.  And that's all that matters. :)

We had about an hour left, and decided to play a quick game of this little Pathfinder Dice game Chris convinced me to order.  It was impossibly hard, and we all died. 

So, in the end I was humbled.

One cool moment was when the owner of Tifa, John, came up to me during our game and asked if I was Kalea's dad.

Of course, I said, "yes".

He proceeded to gush about how awesome she is as an employee.  The guy was blown away by her early performance on the job.

I thanked him for letting me know and said he can keep her as long as he wants. :)

He's absolutely thrilled with her.

In some ways, your first job sets the stage for future jobs.  You learn to interview, interact with other people - customers and co-workers alike.  You learn responsibility, and all the little things that are never, ever in the job description.

You learn to show up, and be responsible for your actions, your time, and the way you make customers feel.

She's definitely on the right track with this first job, and it's setting her up for the future in more ways than any of us realizes.

I'm sure my paper route had a profound effect on me, in ways I'll never fully understand and can only guess at now.

Anyway, it was a good night, and I'm proud of both of my girls in different ways for different things.  This is a shining moment for Bink as she comes of age...