For years, when I'd tell people that I'd have 2 teenage girls at some point in my life, a jovial banter would ensue related to feeling very sorry for my future self.
More times than not, I would begin the banter. "Oh Lord what I have done?"
Now that time is here, and while the older one has graduated, it's the younger one I worry about.
The worry of today is a new boy she's interested in, after having just broken up with her boyfriend.
The ex was small, her age, and safe enough. He didn't drive. He doesn't like football games, or parties. He like to rock climb at the climbing gym.
Honestly, I wasn't a fan of this or any relationship, and I can't seem to get past it.
However, this time feels different. It feels like the beginning of a new period of worry.
Why?
She can drive now. She's 16 and just got her license.
"He" is 18 and on the Ventura High football team. And yes, he drives.
The only saving grace I have to hold on to is that Jen tutored him in the past and knows his parents, who are still together.
Beyond that, the future is murky, and worrisome for me.
I don't know if I'll ever like any guy she ever dates completely. I don't trust them. And, if I'm honest, I don't trust that I'll ever get the straight story. All I can do is try, and also try to stay sane by busying myself with other things, so that I worry less.
This could easily put me in a state of gray for the foreseeable future. This guy as an adult. She's only 16 1/2. This could go south. All I can do is hang on, try to stay positive and understanding, and hope that it doesn't.
Letting go is hard. Realizing you don't have control is just as hard.