When presented with the page on the left - the checkboxes of different traits, it all just seemed so easy.

I definitely think of myself in a certain way.  I just wonder if others see me in the same way.

Here are my thoughts on this.

On perceiving myself as adaptable and friendly and conflict-resolving:

I kept my various groups of childhood friends separate because I wanted to make sure everything was copasetic at all times.

I can't stand it what members of a group don't like each other.  I thrive of, and yearn for the synergy of the group. Strong personalities going toe to toe create an angst inside of me. It makes me want to retreat.

I just want everybody to get along and have a good time.

It's not realistic, but it's a thing I bring to a group. I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness for the betterment of the group.

I say this only because I am an adaptable person, with a sort of versatility I feel is rare.

My friends, from childhood, on up through the adult years are disparate. 

I feel comfortable within each of the groups, and I'm terrified of them integrating.

You see, I hang out with classical male American sports fanatics.

I also hang out with board game nerds.

I hang out with tech junkies.

I hang out with fitness dudes.

I hang out with my super brilliant high school friends.

I hang out with introspective travelers.

And I hang out with an online entrepreneur or two.

There are more groups coming, as I branch out into the world after selling my business.

I can connect with all of them - yet I fear them trying to connect with each other.

I'm adaptable, after all.  I'm friendly too.  And if they integrate, I am good at distracting things back into an equilibrium of sorts, steering things away from conflict.

On perceiving myself as analytical, critical-thinking, logical, and problem-solving:

I remember the first big purchase I made with my own money was the Commodore 64 computer and monitor.

Soon, I was able to purchase the disk drive too.

From video games and into Bulletin Board Systems (BBSs) of the mid-late 80's, I dove into the code to customize my own Bulletin Board System other personal computers could call/connect with through the phone line, using a modem.

I broke down into the code of the BBS software and began to customize the look and feel of my BBS.  Every word, every color, every graphic, I made it my own.  I chose a sort of medieval theme for it all.

And any time one customizes something in the digital world, one will likely encounter many problems.  And problems need solve.  And by God did I solve them.

Some took me minutes.  Others took me days.

I rarely came out of my cave.  I was in there trying to make things better and better.  Improving upon past improvements.

These traits mushroomed into my professional career as a hybrid business/technical person. I'd look at the business requirements, and then customize the software to support said requirements.  

Problem-solving at it's peak.

You have to understand the problem before you solve it.  And then when you dig in, you find things about the problem you didn't know were there.  You pivot.  You tweak.  You test.  And pivot again.  Repeat.

This is the way.

Then I used these traits in the creation of my own online businesses.

Break it all into pieces.  Create a plan.  Now work through the plan step by step.  And problem-solve your way through to the end.

This is also the way.

On perceiving myself as dedicated, dependable, disciplined, focused, hard-working, responsible, and resilient:

These traits are so tightly integrated, I want to wrap them up in a little bow here.

To solve all the problems I had to solve took extreme discipline and focus.  Especially when I ran my own business and had no boss other than myself.

The discipline gets you to the desk.  The discipline gets you to the task.  The dedication and focus keeps you moving forward on the task, until the task is done.  The resiliency keeps you going when you fail at the task.

The dependability comes when you have to depend on yourself, and no one else.

I had to be all of these things, or starve. :)

And I showed a capability of being these things when I was young, and mom had a hot meal waiting for me every night.

Add these things together, and you have a responsible person.

Yes, I see myself in all of these ways.  I think other people do too.

On perceiving myself as honest and trustworthy:

It's not a win if you cheat.

You know the truth if you lie to someone.  If you cheat.  Steal.  Manipulate sadistically.

You know the ugliness inside yourself.

If I say I'll do something important for someone, I will do it.

If I have a chance to take advantage of a situation in an unsavory way, I won't.

It's how I am.  In business.  And now in my personal life.

When I was younger, sometimes I wasn't dependable to my friends.

I have regrets of turning my back on a friend or two.

The disappointment I felt in myself, about myself, was the teacher I needed so I would not create more regrets of this kind in my life.

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And on the next page of the journal, I put all these into sentences with the "why" or "how" I have expressed these traits.

Just starting to connect with myself, my traits, with intention.

Sitting on a small wooden chair outside after a little mindfulness, and who tries to "lay down" in the small little wooden chair next to me?  Walt.

His efforts to lay down were fruitless.  Funny how un-self-aware he is!

... ouch! Unbelievable.

I woke up stiff from yesterdays 60 minute zone 2 run, went to pull on my socks immediately after waking up, to go downstairs... toes get stuck on the rim of the sock, I pull, and i feel my back give way a bit!

I immediately stopped pulling, just in time before doing any major damage.

The back still hurt bad enough to prevent my strength session today.

No deadlifts. :)

So, I walked Walty this morning, and broke into a jog for the last .75 miles.

Then, this evening after Mother's Day with my mom, I ran Walt from our house up to Day Road.

Back is feeling better, might try the strength session tomorrow and will update the results here!

If one wanted a deep and complete definition of the word "subversion" as it applies to the human spirit, this book is it.

The completeness of the picture Orwell paints of a society drained of everything it means to be "human" left me feeling uncomfortable, to say the least.

A demonstration of the "Big Brother" machination is on full display in the complete dismantling of every last shred of humanity within the main character Winston, is brutal.

No matter how clever one may seem, in the end, Big Brother is at least 1 step ahead of every individual on the planet.

Even the word "individual" loses it's meaning in the world of 1984.  Even more, I'm certain the actual word "individual" has been erased from the language, along with any other words/phrases that could potentially be used to rally a resistance to the suffocating control the great "powers that be" maintain over the world population.

From modifying the dictionary, manufacturing lies, changing history and erasing the fact that history has been changed, allows the mysterious, shadowy group (many of whom likely don't know who else they are working with) near the top of Big Brother to maintain a seemingly eternal stranglehold on the hearts and minds of society.

However, this isn't just about controlling the hearts and minds of the general populace.  This is not about killing those who oppose Big Brother, or even "think" something is wrong with society.

It's about keeping them alive, and launching an invincible psyop against higher risk individuals, or those that have been captured by the ever present monitoring of the "thought police", and truly making them believe (not just say they believe), but to truly 100% believe in everything Big Brother wants them to believe.

On the theoretical spectrum of a governments control over society, this book attempts (and succeeds) to paint a perfect picture of the most extreme possible version of population control.  The heart has been hijacked... dismantled.  The mind distorted, with no baseline reality to hold on to.  Inner voice, intuition, gut feelings, all gone.  No options, no choices, just full belief in Big Brother, and all of the beliefs Big Brother wants you to have - including the history Big Brother wants you to accept no matter how often it changes.

This book accomplishes it's aim fully and completely with very few, if any, stones unturned.

And there she is, her first real job experience.  After 6 hours of baseline training, the boss threw her into the fire to run the shop for 2 hours on her own.

When I got there she was organized truffles onto the display trays.

Cozy little place, perfect for Binks.  She made over $130 during the 7 hour shift that went 2 hours longer than expected due to scheduling issues.

I remember it took me a MONTH to make my first $100.  I thought I was rich.  I used it to buy my first computer.

Binky says she going to invest it into her portfolio. 

She's a lot smarter than I was.  But the computer definitely worked out. #followyournose

Super proud of this child.  She loves it too. <3

DAY 3 — ZONE 2 RUN

Warm-up

Walk/jog — 5 min
Walking lunges — 10 total
Air squats — 10
Relaxed strides — 2 x 20 sec
Walk-back recovery after each stride

Workout

Gradual ramp — 10 min
Steady Zone 2 run — 45 min
Cool-down walk — 5 min
HR target
125-135 bpm
Ideal average: 128-131

Finish

4 x 15 sec relaxed strides
Full walk-back recovery, about 45-60 sec
Daily goal
Smooth and disciplined
No sneaky tempo effort

RESULTS: Ran 58 minutes with Walt.  135 avg bpm.